“What would make this season feel successful?”
I ask versions of that question often. A weekend, a family event, the holidays—before we begin making the plan, it helps to know what we are hoping for.
Maybe you want an afternoon with your family when you are not watching the clock. Maybe you want to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner instead of spending the whole meal checking whether everyone has what they need. Maybe success would be getting to the end of the weekend without feeling completely depleted.
That is different from making the season look a certain way.
By November in Nebraska, the evenings are getting darker earlier, and the holiday calendar can seem to fill in the time the daylight has left behind. Before you give away every open evening, take a minute to decide what you want to be present for.
Set your intention. Then let it help you make the smaller decisions.
The expectations that never made it onto the calendar
Some expectations come from other people. Others are so familiar that we stop recognizing them as choices.
The meal needs to be homemade. Everyone needs to feel included. The house needs to look a certain way. No one should be disappointed.
Perhaps no one has said these things aloud. Still, they can quietly shape your decisions.
Try writing down what you believe you have to do this season. Beside each item, ask: Is this something we value, something someone has requested, or something I am afraid to change?
You may discover a tradition you want to keep. You may also discover a responsibility you have been carrying simply because you have always carried it.
What does this ask of your actual life?
A meaningful season still needs to fit within a real life.
Work continues. Children need care. Grief, financial concerns, health appointments, and relationship strain do not disappear because the holidays arrive.
Consider your time, energy, and budget before you commit. If one event requires a full day of preparation and another day of recovery, include that in your decision. Looking only at the hours on the invitation can leave out much of what an event asks of you.
Choose two or three things you most want to make room for. A quiet morning with your family. Worship. A meal with people you love. A tradition that still brings connection.
Then consider what could be shared, simplified, or left for another year.
You may also need a sentence you can use when someone asks for an answer before you are ready.
It is easier to make a thoughtful choice when you do not have to explain it while feeling pressured.
You might say:
- “Let me look at our week before I commit.”
- “We would love to come for dessert.”
- “I can bring one dish this year.”
- “Could we divide the planning?”
Someone may wish you could do more. You can care about that feeling and still answer honestly about what is possible.
A familiar kind of busyness
In Luke 10:38–42, Martha is occupied with preparations while Mary sits at Jesus' feet. Jesus responds to Martha's worry and distraction with an invitation to attend to what matters.
There is tenderness in that invitation for women who are accustomed to taking care of everything. Serving others can be an expression of love. We can also become so absorbed in the preparations that we have little attention left for the people, or the Lord, we hoped to honor.
Before you add another commitment, you might pray: Lord, what deserves my attention in this season? What am I taking on because I am afraid to disappoint someone?
You do not need to settle the entire holiday calendar today. Begin with one decision that reflects your values and your actual capacity.
Before you make the next commitment, come back to your intention. Will this choice help you be present for what matters to you? Sometimes that is a more useful question than whether you can squeeze one more thing in.
Closing prayer
Heavenly Father,
Before the calendar fills, help me listen. You know the people I love and the limits I sometimes struggle to acknowledge. Give me wisdom to choose where my attention belongs, courage to answer honestly, and humility to receive help. Keep my preparations rooted in love rather than fear of disappointing someone. Help me recognize the moments with You and with others that I might otherwise hurry past.
Amen.
Counseling invitation
We support women in Lincoln, Nebraska, and through Nebraska telehealth. If this season has brought anxiety, grief, depression, or a difficult life transition into focus, we can help you begin to understand what needs care.
Please reach out. Vine & Branch Counseling is here to help.